Independence. Being dependant on no one. As July 4th approaches, I consider all of the arenas this thought can be applied to - country, job, relationships, on and on. For me, it started with one, seemingly small, thing.
My computer died the other day. My laptop is only a year old, but it really had been having problems since I brought it home. Little things, but those little things add up - and over a year - it finally collapsed the system (my term) and it wouldn't work anymore. So I took it to the computer doctor - Atascocita Computers - the BEST people in the world to work on your computers! They said they would fix it and it should be around $100! Yay! But they wouldn't be able to look at it for about a week.... it was Friday...... that means I would be without my computer for at least 2 weekends! OH NOOOOOOOOOOO!
Now that shouldn't be a big deal. I use the computer a lot, but we have a desktop in Grady's office. Most of the things I do on the computer don't deal with specific files on my computer - they are online things. A lot of my time online is spent with email. So really, this shouldn't have been an issue. But let me tell you what... it was a HUGE issue!
What I quickly discovered is how my feeling of independence is directly linked to my ability to use my laptop. I found out how many times a day I go to it as a reference, or a quick email communication. Grady uses his work computer at his desk, so the desktop computer wasn't readily available for me whenever I wanted it. I had to plan my time and use to coincide with him. I had to write down what I wanted to look up, so when I had a chance to get on the computer, I could get the things done I needed to as soon as possible. This didn't always work out very well (notice I haven't blogged for a while?). I get these thoughts in my head, and usually go do it right then. I don't write it down because I think I'll remember, but then when I would sit at the computer - it was gone. I limped along hopping online whenever I could.
Not having a computer/Internet available at the any time I want really messed with my head. All of the sudden I felt like I was constantly imposing on my husband - using HIS computer. I felt vulnerable, irritable and highly dependant on Grady. Now mind you - I AM highly dependant on Grady - but I don't usually FEEL that way. How does a laptop and an Internet connect give me a feeling of independence? It allows me to set my own schedule, to do (or not do) what I want, when I want. It lets me keep in touch with social networking sites, emails, and instant messages. When I want to find a recipe using coconut milk, I can. When I want to see how much those cute shoes I've been thinking about are, I can. When I'm planning for a bookcase, I can go online and find the sizes available. Anything. Anytime. When it's mine.
Even thought I feel independent when I have availability to the Internet/computer, I discovered there is no independence without dependence on something. EVERYTHING is INTER-dependant. And that's NOT a bad thing!
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