The Art of Listening Prayer

I've started reading a new book by Seth Barnes - "The Art of Listening Prayer." What a blessing this book is! Interestingly enough, in 2003 I started reading "How to listen to God" by Charles Stanley. I was at a crossroads in my life, and I learned so much about how to hear God's voice and the many different ways he speaks to us.

"The Art of Listening Prayer has a similar tone, but gives the practical how-to's of conversing with God. Not just talking to him, but actually conversing with him. Talking then listening. Asking questions and listening for God's answer. Then responding.
I'm only on day 2- journaling, but wow! I've been practicing a form of listening prayer on and off for a long time, but I haven't ever journaled my questions, responses or prayers. I did today, and it was very powerful! Just to put God's words in a different color pen, and see them in my journal - along with my questions, impressions and prayer back to God... I really had a wonderful quiet time with him this morning! 45 minutes went by in a snap! I was amazed!

God has blessed me with time - I don't have to go to a job every day, I have no kids, and my husband is home much of the time for me to enjoy him. It's time for me to start returning some of that time to God - the form of conversation. Prayer. Adoration. Love. I'm so looking forward to spending more time with the God of my ancestors, and the God of my life!

a servant's heart

Lately I've been so unsettled, feeling like my life is stagnant - and I'm working on doing things to change that. Years ago I would have blamed Grady or been mad and frustrated. However, after lots of books and training , I now know it's up to me to make my life fun and exciting - and fulfilling. I need to take my eyes off myself and help someone else - that is where our joy comes from. It's good to know and realize that - and to know that I can change my situation. It's funny how we as humans think that when we are lacking or unfulfilled, we need more self time and time for pleasure - tv, books, movies, etc. But the reality is - God wired us to be fulfilled when we are helping others - not helping ourselves. So as we are more and more self centered, we get more and more discontent with life, and try to fill the hole with more and more of self....! It's a vicious cycle that doesn't work! Others is where we will find our joy - pouring ourselves into others. Giving of ourselves - time, money, expertise... the things that God has equipped us with, is where we will ultimately be filled with the joy we are seeking!
Having a servant's heart is what God ultimately desires for us.

Mark 10:43-45

"... Instead, whoever wants to become great among you must be your servant, and whoever wants to be first must be slave of all. For even the Son of Man did not come to be served, but to serve, and to give his life as a ransom for many."

Dependent Independance

Independence. Being dependant on no one. As July 4th approaches, I consider all of the arenas this thought can be applied to - country, job, relationships, on and on. For me, it started with one, seemingly small, thing.

My computer died the other day. My laptop is only a year old, but it really had been having problems since I brought it home. Little things, but those little things add up - and over a year - it finally collapsed the system (my term) and it wouldn't work anymore. So I took it to the computer doctor - Atascocita Computers - the BEST people in the world to work on your computers! They said they would fix it and it should be around $100! Yay! But they wouldn't be able to look at it for about a week.... it was Friday...... that means I would be without my computer for at least 2 weekends! OH NOOOOOOOOOOO!

Now that shouldn't be a big deal. I use the computer a lot, but we have a desktop in Grady's office. Most of the things I do on the computer don't deal with specific files on my computer - they are online things. A lot of my time online is spent with email. So really, this shouldn't have been an issue. But let me tell you what... it was a HUGE issue!

What I quickly discovered is how my feeling of independence is directly linked to my ability to use my laptop. I found out how many times a day I go to it as a reference, or a quick email communication. Grady uses his work computer at his desk, so the desktop computer wasn't readily available for me whenever I wanted it. I had to plan my time and use to coincide with him. I had to write down what I wanted to look up, so when I had a chance to get on the computer, I could get the things done I needed to as soon as possible. This didn't always work out very well (notice I haven't blogged for a while?). I get these thoughts in my head, and usually go do it right then. I don't write it down because I think I'll remember, but then when I would sit at the computer - it was gone. I limped along hopping online whenever I could.

Not having a computer/Internet available at the any time I want really messed with my head. All of the sudden I felt like I was constantly imposing on my husband - using HIS computer. I felt vulnerable, irritable and highly dependant on Grady. Now mind you - I AM highly dependant on Grady - but I don't usually FEEL that way. How does a laptop and an Internet connect give me a feeling of independence? It allows me to set my own schedule, to do (or not do) what I want, when I want. It lets me keep in touch with social networking sites, emails, and instant messages. When I want to find a recipe using coconut milk, I can. When I want to see how much those cute shoes I've been thinking about are, I can. When I'm planning for a bookcase, I can go online and find the sizes available. Anything. Anytime. When it's mine.

Even thought I feel independent when I have availability to the Internet/computer, I discovered there is no independence without dependence on something. EVERYTHING is INTER-dependant. And that's NOT a bad thing!