In March, I went to Alaska for 5 weeks. Mom had both of her knees replaced, and I went up to help her out. Turns out my sis-in-law was gone for 4 of those 5 weeks, so I got to spend lots of time with my niece as well! It was awesome! But I did learn a thing or two about responsibility, and putting others first. It was quite eye opening for me....
I was an only child until I was 10, so I learned to be selfish early. I also learned to manipulate to get my way.... I have a tendency to be lazy, not put things away after I get them out, etc, etc. This carried over into my adult life, which was easy to continue since I lived alone most of my life. I lived in CHAOS (can't have anyone over syndrome) since my house was cluttered with so many things I had gotten out but not put away. When I moved into a house full of gals in 2004, I had to learn to clean up after myself - except for in my room. But I still only had myself to care for. Now I am married, and essentially I pick up after myself, but the house still takes some time to get ready for company. Grady is such a help - it's really not any additional responsibility to "take care" of him.... I have to make my bed anyway, make meals, etc.
When mom had her surgery, she was in the hospital for 10 days. During those first days, I spent most of my time at the hospital with her, especially in the beginning. Dad could fend for himself just fine. But after Shinette left, I now had my niece to take care of... making lunch, getting her up and ready for school, taking her to school, picking her up, getting her dinner, bath time, brushing her teeth, then doing it all over the next morning when we went to school. This was a little more "demanding" that what I was used to, but not too bad. She and I spent 17 days together in Hot Springs with Uncle Grady the year before, and this wasn't too different, other than the structure.
When mom came home from the hospital, everything got kicked up a bit. Now not only did I have Lisa and her schedule to think about, but also mom's. Meds, meals, exercise, helping her get around the house... all on top of the rest. I set up a "schedule" for dinners so all of us could eat together, and made meals about 4 nights a week. I discovered the amazing amount of work mothers do with their families. Many nights, after getting up at 7, getting ready, getting Lisa and mom breakfast, taking Lisa to school, meeting a friend for coffee, coming home to work with mom and get her set up with meds and lunch and PT, then back to school to pick up Lisa, then making dinner, cleaning up dinner, spending time with Lisa, putting her to bed, getting mom set up for evening and in the study to watch news..... I was POOPED! By 10:30 I was so tired - worn out - emotionally and physically! You can't just leave the dishes in the sink... or not make the kid's lunch.... or let someone go without their meds (although I did forget a few times....oops!). There is so much responsibility - so much weighing on your shoulders.... it was a totally new perspective for me.
Please don't get me wrong - in no way, shape or form, am I complaining about what I did for those 5 weeks! And please don't think I'm asking for kudos or sympathy - because the reality is - I only did it for a few days a week and for only about 2 weeks. Mom was up and around by herself very quickly, and Michael helped out with Lisa more than I would have liked him to! I absolutely CHERISHED the time I spent up there - with mom, dad, Lisa, my brother, and all of the friends I got to see. I wouldn't trade it for the world. I missed Grady immensely, and have no desire to be apart from him for that long ever again! But I don't regret a moment of my time.
I had an opportunity to give back in a way I never have before. I got to care for mom in ways I never thought possible - looking out for her interests at the doctors offices and hospital, giving her tenderness, but also tough love when I felt it was needed, and just trying to attend to her needs while she was recovering. Mom is a huge giver, and not one to let others do for her, so this was an absolute joy for me. I will remember our time together for the rest of my life. (I would say the same for mom - but she was on pain killers most of the time.... who knows what she'll remember! LOL!)
I had an opportunity to be a "mom" with a family - plan and execute meals, transportation, etc, etc. I discovered how much work it is, and at the same time, how rewarding it is to see a job well done. I have a whole new respect for motherhood - and I now know that I do have what it takes to do the job. Not sure I WANT the job, but I could do it if need be!
I now appreciate the unbelievably simple life I have. Grady, myself and two cats. An automatic litter box, auto-feeder and auto-waterer make the cats essentially maintenance free, except for snuggle and play time. Same thing with Grady (heehee!). I don't even have a full time job, and so many mothers not only do their MOM-job, but also work outside the home! I don't know where they find time to do anything - how do the bills get paid, follow ups on medical insurance, doing the grocery shopping, getting new clothes for the kids, having sex with the hubby - anything! I have so much luxury in my life - I almost feel guilty (almost). I am so grateful I had the opportunity to find out first hand just how blessed I am!
Mom Update:
Mom is doing great and has been working VERY hard at her physical therapy - both at home and at the PT office. I am so very proud of her! This was a huge step - but we are all hoping it is one she will be thankful she did! Two months later she is riding her bike every day (inside) and getting around now without any walkers or canes, and has been for a while now.
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